Easter

I wore a purple dress and we spent the day outside. The whole family (minus Rickie) stood on the patio, on the back porch, in the field. We stomped through grass to try and get Bella and Liam to be comfortable with one another. Mackenzie wore a chicken onesie and John wore jeans. He got me a potted lily. We got Mom a pale pink hydrangea. We ate sandwiches and drank white wine, ice tea, a 2 liter of coke. I missed Mom Mom. I missed childhood. I missed small things, like the white gloves and hats we would wear on Easter day and the fun of opening a basket with shredded fake grass packed into the bottom.
But mostly it felt good to be in the sunshine, standing around looking at the dogs, practicing being a bigger family-almost all of us in one place enjoying the violets beneath our feet.
We saw deer run through the field at one point. All of us staring outwards towards the dancing creatures as though they were spirit. In awe, we watched them gently pick their way through the trees-nibbling here and there on flowering trees and bushes. As soft as a the promise of hope, they moved into our view and then out again.
Mom and I went to church in the morning. The alter I know so well, covered in day lilies and carnations. Color. Life.
When the time came to turn to our neighbor and wish one another a Happy Easter, Mom hugged me to her side and said “Peace be with you, Katie.” And I knew she meant it as though she had said “I love you.”