A Hope Chest of Light Keeping

So soft, the petals unfolding

I hardly heard it coming, this life.

These things I am about to embark on. Some of them wished for so hard, I feel as though they drew blood from me. Some of them a surprise so deep I catch myself confused looking in the mirror.

Has my whole life been coming to this? What lesson am I learning here? I feel very, very confused. And also very proud. It isn’t every day that so much good news comes about so swiftly. Can I trust that? Can I trust you? Or me?

I don’t know. Am I the only one asking questions around here? How boring. Does anyone think about themselves and their lives as much as I do? Or is this a symptom of not being active enough in the world.

I’m so irritated all the time. I wonder if this is who I am now. Maybe it will smooth and go away. I hope so. I hate being so tempestuous.

I saw the deer the other day in the field. One of the little ones did a tiny quick dance, it’s hooves raising and lowering in rapid succession. It was so strange a bubble of laughter escaped my mouth.

Life will get you that way.

Do you remember how late the roses bloomed this year? September and the buds were frozen through. But the petals remained. What do you think it means? Or does it mean anything at all? Is everything a sign?

I hope so. I’d like to see more tiny deer dancing and call it grace if nothing else.

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