Vespers in gloaming light

A prayer for the Sentinels

To Mom and Dad
Who have stood and watched patiently as I lay stationary,
trying to find a way up.
Figuratively.
I imagine the two of you like this 29 years ago as I first learned to walk,
Standing somewhere close by
whispering affirmations and atta’ girls
but knowing I had to learn how to move my little body from the floor upwards alone.
I think about that little girl, a little girl I never knew, because I don’t remember being her,
and realize
I have gotten up so many times before this,
this is easy,
this will be a cinch.
Oh boy, I was wrong.
I was wrong, Mom and Dad,
This one has been really hard
and it has really hurt to try and fall and try and fall and move my body upwards.
Many days,
(as you know)
I have laid still and steadfast within myself like a seed,
unknowing how to grow much less bloom,
aware I cannot be one with the dark,
and I have
(in my internal aloneness)
felt your hands on my forehead in prayers of grace and healing
your brows furrowed at me and one another
and your words of affirmation and atta’ girls incantations of hope.
I have seen and felt you there.
And the little girl,
the one I never knew,
responded to a touch and voice she’s known all her life
and decided within the safety of her sentinel’s gaze
to rise.

And for this I thank you beyond any ability to find the words.
And therefore I give gratitude to you and say:
Amen.

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